Influence, You Say?

Just learned a few things that are tweaking my brain a bit.  Let me set the stage:

(Acts 13:1-3) In the church at Antioch there were prophets and teachers: Barnabas, Simeon called Niger, Lucius of Cyrene, Manaen (who had been brought up with Herod the tetrarch) and Saul. While they were worshiping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, "Set apart for me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them." So after they had fasted and prayed, they placed their hands on them and sent them off.  (NIV)

After visiting and preaching a few places, the two missionaries came to Pisidian Antioch and entered the synagogue, sat down, and were invited to speak.   Paul (Saul) summarized over 450 years of history up to his present time and challenged the listeners with this statement:

(Acts 13:39-41)"Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Through him everyone who believes is justified from everything you could not be justified from by the law of Moses. Take care that what the prophets have said does not happen to you: "'Look, you scoffers, wonder and perish, for I am going to do something in your days that you would never believe, even if someone told you.'"

The two were invited to come back again the next sabbath and speak.  And here is what happened:

(Acts 13:44-45) On the next Sabbath almost the whole city gathered to hear the word of the Lord. When the Jews saw the crowds, they were filled with jealousy and talked abusively against what Paul was saying.  (NIV)

Paul and Barnabas answered them boldly and this was the result:

(Acts 13:49-50) The word of the Lord spread through the whole region. But the Jews incited the God-fearing women of high standing and the leading men of the city. They stirred up persecution against Paul and Barnabas, and expelled them from their region.  (NIV)

The thing that really stood out to me is the amazing influence women have.   Read these verses again:

(Acts 13:49-50) The word of the Lord spread through the whole region. But the Jews incited the God-fearing women of high standing and the leading men of the city. They stirred up persecution against Paul and Barnabas, and expelled them from their region.  (NIV) 

Who were incited?  Who were the go-to people when the jealous Jews wanted to get something done?  The God-fearing women of high standing and the leading men, you say?   So, that tells me a lot about the kind of influence we women have.  I mean, this society that we are talking about is not modern day USA.  It is not a society that revered the opinion of women from what I understand.  But these women were able to stir up enough persecution to have Paul and Barnabas expelled. They had influence in their families and used it to make something happen. Wow.  We as women have influence, whether we know it or not.  The question to ask is, "Where I am using this gift of influence?" 

Expectation or Expectancy

I am discovering there is a difference between expectation and expectancy leadership.  And that realization makes all the difference in the world to me.  Let me explain.

I have loathed the expectation kind of leadership all of my life.  And I know I have a donkey kind of attitude when I see that kind of leadership.  (Seriously!  I would like to bray and kick the expectation leader between the eyes!)  Expectation leadership places a yoke around a person's neck.  Some one who uses expectation leadership expects one to get things done-- expects one to do what is right -- expects one to PERFORM.  Expectation leadership breeds performance based acceptance.  Sometimes I call it legalism.  Sometimes I call it snobbery.   And sometimes I even do it to myself -- you know, get down on myself for not being able to do what I think I should be able to do.  It always stems from self focus in whoever employs it...and is wholly undesirable.   

Expectancy leadership is a whole other brand of leadership.  I think it is the kind of leadership Christ used.  Certain people exemplify an expectancy kind of leadership.  Of course they expect you to show up.  Of course they expect you to get things done.  The difference is they do not condemn you when you are unable to do it all.  They make you feel welcome and they are genuinely happy you are there.  That kind of leadership makes you want to get stuff done.  Matt Jolley uses this kind of leadership.  I loved working for him and trusted him to do the right thing.  My husband, Jeff, also uses this kind of leadership.  I love being around him.

I finally realized this morning why there are certain people that I do not want to spend time with.  They have expectations for me.  They want me to fit into their mold of how they think I should be.  And they make me feel condemned when I cannot do what they think I should be doing.  But God broke the mold on each of us and gave each of us different talents and abilities.  No two of us are alike.  We may have some of the same talents, abilities, and gifts.  But we will never be alike.

Conversely, I realized that I have expectations for them.  I expect them to see things the way that I do.  I expect them to just enjoy me for who God made me to be. And, most humbling of all, I realized I condemn them if they put expectations on me. 

I want that to change in me.  I want to enjoy others for who they are.  I want to care for them and encourage them to keep looking to Christ and to keep walking the path Christ is leading them on.

I also want to know God so well, that when others try to put their expectation brand of leadership on me, and expect me to be what they think I should be, I can smile, encourage them, and pray they are open to allowing God to work in them as well. 

Lord, help me to utilize expectancy.  Help me to not make others feel condemned when they do not do what I "expect" them to do.   Give me your love for others, not my kind of love.  Remove the pride in my life that makes me think others have to act a certain way for me to care about them.  Lord, humble me.