Expectation or Expectancy

I am discovering there is a difference between expectation and expectancy leadership.  And that realization makes all the difference in the world to me.  Let me explain.

I have loathed the expectation kind of leadership all of my life.  And I know I have a donkey kind of attitude when I see that kind of leadership.  (Seriously!  I would like to bray and kick the expectation leader between the eyes!)  Expectation leadership places a yoke around a person's neck.  Some one who uses expectation leadership expects one to get things done-- expects one to do what is right -- expects one to PERFORM.  Expectation leadership breeds performance based acceptance.  Sometimes I call it legalism.  Sometimes I call it snobbery.   And sometimes I even do it to myself -- you know, get down on myself for not being able to do what I think I should be able to do.  It always stems from self focus in whoever employs it...and is wholly undesirable.   

Expectancy leadership is a whole other brand of leadership.  I think it is the kind of leadership Christ used.  Certain people exemplify an expectancy kind of leadership.  Of course they expect you to show up.  Of course they expect you to get things done.  The difference is they do not condemn you when you are unable to do it all.  They make you feel welcome and they are genuinely happy you are there.  That kind of leadership makes you want to get stuff done.  Matt Jolley uses this kind of leadership.  I loved working for him and trusted him to do the right thing.  My husband, Jeff, also uses this kind of leadership.  I love being around him.

I finally realized this morning why there are certain people that I do not want to spend time with.  They have expectations for me.  They want me to fit into their mold of how they think I should be.  And they make me feel condemned when I cannot do what they think I should be doing.  But God broke the mold on each of us and gave each of us different talents and abilities.  No two of us are alike.  We may have some of the same talents, abilities, and gifts.  But we will never be alike.

Conversely, I realized that I have expectations for them.  I expect them to see things the way that I do.  I expect them to just enjoy me for who God made me to be. And, most humbling of all, I realized I condemn them if they put expectations on me. 

I want that to change in me.  I want to enjoy others for who they are.  I want to care for them and encourage them to keep looking to Christ and to keep walking the path Christ is leading them on.

I also want to know God so well, that when others try to put their expectation brand of leadership on me, and expect me to be what they think I should be, I can smile, encourage them, and pray they are open to allowing God to work in them as well. 

Lord, help me to utilize expectancy.  Help me to not make others feel condemned when they do not do what I "expect" them to do.   Give me your love for others, not my kind of love.  Remove the pride in my life that makes me think others have to act a certain way for me to care about them.  Lord, humble me.